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[12 Aug 2005|08:06am] |
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I miss him.
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[07 Aug 2005|01:34pm] |
ok good news and bad news for my diary entery. OK: bad news is weight gain. GOOD news is i met a new friend thru mandys cousin who lives about 3 miles away ANDDDDDDD she is pro ana.
ok, so i have gained 8 pds between today and last week. WHAT THE FUCK? i don't understand how this has happened. i have been fasting and not eating, exercising three hours or sometimes two for four days per week. my ex schedule is sun, tues, thurs, friday. even when i don't go to the gym i still walk the dog for hrs. i just don't understand how i can gain 8 pds. it doesn't make sense.
i have been hanging out with my new friend. i am so excited to have someone who actually knows what i'm goin thru.
ok her name is brooke and omg she is soooo pretty. she has really long long red hair. she has a gorgous face too like she could be a model.
SO i met her at mandys cousins birthday party and she was on the couch and we were just sitting around talking and she kept saying she didn't feel very good, she kept saying she was shaking. and she's like 5'11 or something and super skinny!!!!!!! it's so nice to have someone to talk to that actually is cocnerned about there weight. so, she kept apologizing about how she was not feeling good and then she leaned in to whisper a secret to me and she goes "well, i'm kind of going through withdrawals right now" and i said really? and she said "yeah i take this weight loss drug called miridia and i can't get it now so i'm a little shaky"
i was like "but you don't need weight loss drugs" and then i IMMEDIATELY got it and was like woah yikes. I couldn't believe it!!! we talked for like two hours and then we exhanged numbers. she lives really close and we are going to get together soon to exercise. i am so happy!!! now i want to try this miridia and see how it works too.
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[26 Jul 2005|07:52am] |
happy bcuz kali is going to Nogales this weekend with her friends so that means she wont be bothering me or coming in my room taking my stuff etc.
my dad is also flying to san diego thurs for a friday meeting and i'm SOOOOOOO happy. he's been in annoy mode all month and it's pissing me off. he keep asking if I'm interested in getting a job. always saying am i intedrested. who the hell is interested in working? I mean not in a job they like doing but he wants me to go work at some fast food place and that is going to happen when hell freezes over. have you ever noticed how every person who works at the fast food places has like two or three extra stomachs? mandy says it's from eating the food their everyday. so disgusting. well anyway I have been doing good fasting. i eat nothing but klausen pickles all day and they're kind of getting boring so I'm going to maybe eat a Healthy Choice tonight. oh my god last night i was at Mandys and her brother had a friend there and he said to me hard nipples turn me on. and i looked down adn i was nippin out. he was fat as hell too so that pissed me off. he was one of those red cheeked pale fat boys with a little birthmark on his face. BLAHHHH and blahhhhhh the kind that rides his bike real real slow in circles. lol. god i tried posting earlier and then hit some button and it erased all of what i wrote. I talked to [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj-user="discipline">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] happy bcuz kali is going to Nogales this weekend with her friends so that means she wont be bothering me or coming in my room taking my stuff etc.
my dad is also flying to san diego thurs for a friday meeting and i'm SOOOOOOO happy. he's been in annoy mode all month and it's pissing me off. he keep asking if I'm interested in getting a job. always saying am i intedrested. who the hell is interested in working? I mean not in a job they like doing but he wants me to go work at some fast food place and that is going to happen when hell freezes over. have you ever noticed how every person who works at the fast food places has like two or three extra stomachs? mandy says it's from eating the food their everyday. so disgusting. well anyway I have been doing good fasting. i eat nothing but klausen pickles all day and they're kind of getting boring so I'm going to maybe eat a Healthy Choice tonight. oh my god last night i was at Mandys and her brother had a friend there and he said to me hard nipples turn me on. and i looked down adn i was nippin out. he was fat as hell too so that pissed me off. he was one of those red cheeked pale fat boys with a little birthmark on his face. BLAHHHH and blahhhhhh the kind that rides his bike real real slow in circles. lol. god i tried posting earlier and then hit some button and it erased all of what i wrote. I talked to <lj-user="discipline"> who doesnt want me saying their name. he is in london and just cleared customs from tel aviv and just brushed me off. he went there to cover the london events. he gave me the cold shoulder really and i was like whatever. you coulv'e been nicer instead of being a dick. i guess i BOTHERED him when he was in customs. what an asshole.
I just drank some hot tea and burned my tongue. i hate that. god if i lose all i wrote again i'm gonna be pissed. i'm going to eat my healthy choice at 5pm and then maybe do one per day. i want to take fiber pills but they are like 30 cals per dose. i just wish my face would lose some weight. my cheeks are all puffy. i'm supposed to be getting my period and i hope it comes soon bcuz i'll be craving chocolat the enetire time. rarr! |
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| from a girl on xanga.com / ana tips |
[23 Jul 2005|07:51pm] |
So you wanna lose 40lbs in three weeks? Well my dears you've come to the right place.
The plan:
Fast for three days. [It may be juice/water fasting, it's up to you.] On the forth day have a bowl of soup [the amount is up to you] and a sugarfree popsicle. [Or something simular if you wish.]
Wash, rinse and repeat. Do this for three weeks and watch the weight fall off.
Variations are welcomed, just let us know on your introductory post. Post as often as you like for support/encouragement/motivation. Update at least once a week with new stats or new ideas while on this fast!
Most of all, be yourself and have fun!
Also if you like include this with your posts. [It's a countdown of your progress.. Just change "pound" to "kilos" if need be.]
Hour: __/504 [three weeks]
Current weight: __
Number of pounds lost: __
Number of pounds to go: __
So on the checks, I eat a bowl of soup. There. Now I can do this and stick to it. SO I am also making myself some rewards, punishments.
PUNISHMENTS:
For eating over 1000 cals on a nada day
+take a freezing cold shower
+walk around the block four times
+work off all cals eaten
For eating over 500 cals on a nada day
-take a freezing cold shower
-work off all cals eaten
For eating under 500 cals on a nada day
-work it all off, baby
***
For eating more than soup or lowfat popsicle on a checked day
+wear tight clothes all day (aka ones that i will look fat in)
+take a freezing shower
+walk the block 4 times
***********
REWARDS =)
If I have a good day each day (follow the plan) I will find the reward that matches with the day.
Monday: Give yourself a manicure/and or pedicure, or go get one! (even better)
Tuesday: Can use $5 to spend on self (not on food though!)
Wednesday: Go somewhere fun
Thursday: Have a movie marathon
Friday: go for a swim
Sunday: take a hot bubble bath
*********
So, yeah. That's my plan. <33
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[23 Jul 2005|03:34am] |
god i've had such a rough week. my friend from drill team's mom died yesterday. her name is sasha and her mom had a long fight with breast cancer. i feel so awful. i never really talked to her mom much, but just the whole empathy thing has really got me down.
for some reason sasha called ME and wanted ME to go to the hospital with her and i went. she cried for about six hours. it was the longest i've ever seen someone cry so that made me cry and i felt so terrible for her whole family. their dad is taking it really hard bcuz they were married a long time. wow it would be sad to lose someone you married to for twenty years. sasha was really happy her mom got to see her graduate high school but wow she won't see anything else. i feel soooo bad.
anyway, when i got home here all i wanted to do was take a shower and masturbate. i feel like wow god gives us this ability to orgasm and we can do it on our own without anyone's help. it's nice to have help though and i wish lucas wasn't such a dickface or else i'd be getting fucked royally right now. instead he just screwed me.
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[20 Jul 2005|03:06am] |
I have eaten so much today. I posted to ana and asked if there was any one who wants to be my fasting partner. If u want to be my fasting partner, please email at wixiepixie@yahoo.com
I am looking to go under 500 cals before going any lower because I have been averaging about 800 cals per day on my own. But I'm so depressed that I need someone to help or else i'll eat all the ice cream in the fridge and then probably puke it up and i don't want that.
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[20 Jul 2005|02:58am] |
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I am really bummed. Lucas just stopped calling again. He and I didn't even fight or anything, he just stopped talking to me. So then today I was talking to Olivia, Jason's girlfriend who is my friend from junior high and Kali's friend really, more than my friend and she said he had sex with her and so now no one is supposed to tell Jason that Olivia fucked Lucas and I'm sitting here shit on once again and I'm tempted to tell Jason but Kali my bitch cock eating sister says not to say anything to him or else she's going to tell my mom that I've been taking diet pills which is true but my mom will throw my ass back into the stupid rehabiliation and I don't want to deal with that. My friend Jenna says just let it go and bcuz he did sleep with Olivia that I shouldn't ever talk to him again and just find someone new so we are going to go to the park on Friday and try to meet some guys. I am so upset...It's not as bad as the first time he screwed me over tho and so that's good but god it still hurts.
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[15 Jul 2005|08:43am] |
I am so bored. Lucas has to fly to New Mexico to see his grandad cuz hes about to die. I'm so sad bcuz we hardly spent any time together yesteday. My friend Amy just called and I havent talked to her in a really longass time so she's gonna come down here tonight and cut my hair bcuz she went to arizona academy of beauty so thats cool. she might even color it if we find something i like. my hair is so damn long now and it bothers me bcuz all i do is put it in ponytails or braids. amy is with this one guy who i don't rully like but what am i gonna do. hes like a control freak or i dont know really what a control freak is but i think he's one bcuz he always wants to know what shes doing, he tells her who she can hang out with and doesnt even really pay for her much when they go do stuff she's always using her credit card when i go out with them. he's said some really slick stuff to me before so that makes him a complete asshole in my opinion but unless he really comes right out and says something that offends me or makes me think he's gonna try something with me then i guess i won't mention it to her. well one thing he said he told me that i looked like a mouseketerr and that he loves fucking mousketeers. i don't know if that qwalifieis? hmm don't know but he is a real slimy creepy guy. plus hes a lot older then she is, like by alot. i wont say how much bcuz i don't want anyone getting arrested but he is a dirty old man lol. poor amy. he won't let anyone call him by his real name either he has this other name he goes by taht he created and he does acid alot too.
Ok so anyway but she is a good friend one i haven't talked to in a while so it will be nice to get together and maybe go to a coffeehouse and discuss everything thats been going on.
i got my rejection letter from a college today. it sucks lol. oh well nobody ever said i got the brains in the family. i think gravy got them. gravys our dog. ohhhhhh i found a HUGE box filled with my dogs! my stuffed doggies that i used to play with. i put them away a couple yrs ago and now i took them out again and theyre all over my bed bcuz i love them so much and i'm never going to part with them again!!!!!!!!
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[13 Jul 2005|07:01pm] |
I am so happy. Lucas and I are back together. No more moping. No more crying. No more feeling like no one could replace him because someone did replace him! Him! LOL
omg I am on cloud 9. I am so so so so so so happy.
He got a buzz cut tho so that kind of pisses me off. I like his regular hair. Last night we went to his grandfathers 60th birthday party and his grandfather got so drunk! He fell in the bushes outside while he was saying goodbye to us. hahaha! It was funny but kinda sad!? I dunno more funny then sad.
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[01 Jul 2005|10:07pm] |
I HATE YOU KALI.
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[01 Jul 2005|10:07pm] |
(x)smoked a cigarette
( ) smoked a cigar
(x) made out with a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of my parent's house
( ) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
(x) skipped school
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) seen someone die
( ) been to Canada
(x) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) thrown up in a bar
( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) eaten Sushi
(x) been snowboarding
( ) been moshing at a concert
( ) been in an abusive relationship
( ) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake id
(x) watched the sun set
(x)felt an earthquake
( ) touched a snake
(x) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) pet a reindeer/goat
( ) won a contest
( ) run a red light
(x) been suspended from school
(x) been in a car accident
(x) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast
( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
( ) danced in the moonlight
( ) hated the way you look
( ) witnessed a crime
(x) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
( ) sung karaoke
( ) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) been kissed under a mistletoe
(x) watched the sun set with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach
(x) crashed a party
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey (umm??????????????????????)
( ) worn pearls
(x) jumped off a bridge
(x) screamed penis in class
(x) ate dog/cat food
(x) told a complete stranger you loved them
( x ) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
(x) had a dream that you married someone
(x) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
( ) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes
( ) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
(x) done a one-handed cartwheel
( ) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) didn't take a shower for a week ( feild medical school) it sucked
(x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(x) had a tree house
(x) are scared to watch scary movies alone
( ) believe in ghosts
(x) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
( ) gone streaking
(x) played ding-dong-ditch
(x) played chicken
(x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(x) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
( eww i hate fish ) caught a fish then ate it
( ) made porn
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
(x) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
( ) cheated on a test
(x) have a Brittany Spears CD
(x) forgotten someone's name
(x) slept naked
(x) French braided someones hair
(x) gone skinny dippin in a pool
( ) been kicked out of your house
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[29 Jun 2005|02:27am] |
WEIRD!!! :)
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[25 Jun 2005|08:04am] |
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mood |
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I don't know what to do. I told my mom I was going out, and ended up spending all night with Lucas<3. My mom just gave me a dirty look when I came in the house and I didnt even bother explaning where I was. I didnt wanna deal with her and I guess she didnt wanna deal with me bcuz she wouldve argued and interagated me all morning long. I JUST got home, I'm trying to not type loud.
But OH MY GOD I SAW MY BABY...He looked so nice and I got dressed realy nice to see him and I was only gonna be there like maybe an hour or so just to hang out with him. But of course that didn't happen. I went there telling myself no, don't even go, you shouldn't go you shouldn't go and I did so I get what I pay for.
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[24 Jun 2005|04:10am] |
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OMG if my little sister doesn't keep getting her way I am going to absolutely smash her in the face. she's getting a ferett after I been wanting one since I was 12. And she gets one. They were like She's more responsible with her things than u are heidi and I'm so pissed off. Then I got bitched out bcuz of sneaking in and they told me I can't go online or use the telephon. THEN Lucas called me and my mom wouldn't even let me see what he wanted. So they went to bed and I am online until they wake up. I put a towel fold up to block light from my door which is what I always do. I do it to smoke pot too. They never have even considered me doing drugs so I guess it has kept the smell out bcuz Dad knows the smell of pot. oh and I smoked cigarettes out the window before and they've never said anything. We all went out to dinner last nite and I was fighting not to eat anthing then I just ended up eating so much...straw berry lemonaid, chicken fahitas WITH sour cream AND gwoqamole AND rice and beans. It was sick. after we were there we went shopping and i felt like throwing up but there were no bathrooms for the public, so I didn't puke until I got home and it was too late.all there was that came out was just foamy red stuff which was probly the strawberry lemonaid. which sucks bcuz chicken fahitas are like 1,200 cals. need to start fasting again bcuz no one is going to want me this fat. I am dying to call lucas but than again i don't really want to talk to him. I am so iritated about Kali getting a ferret. i am way older than her and she's a fucking cluless moron. God i'm thinking about going out for a run right now bcuz all i have been doing all week is sitting on my fat ass.
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[23 Jun 2005|08:13am] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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tHe KiLleRs - sOmEboDy ToLd mE |
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I am so...satisfied.
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[23 Jun 2005|06:38am] |
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mood |
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 naughty |
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i went to a hotel with this friend last night...eek...and it waas like...3am when i got home. My mom and dad caught me sneaking back in last night. ARGH Thank god i said I was going to bed bcuz my dad said he was going to take my computer in the morning so I might not be able to post in my jounral. :(
So anyway, I did something bad/good/bad/i dunno??? lol It was good but bad that they caught me. My mom was like where were you? I told her I went for a walk and she was like a four hour walk?
my heart is so focused on Lucas that it was a little awkward at frist. It helped getting drunk. This prob sounds real lame but it was so weird to have someone else in my arms. It was weird bcuz the friend I fucked last nite is bigger/taller than Lucas. It was interesting. Interesting interesting.
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[23 Jun 2005|06:26am] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
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my god...
thank you so much for an amazing night.
::dies:::
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[21 Jun 2005|10:53am] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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jerkoff (12:20:05 AM): hi
wixiewooh (12:20:33 AM): hi?
jerkoff (12:20:35 AM): hey what's up?
wixiewooh (12:20:38 AM): why?
jerkoff (12:20:47 AM): Uh, well...because i asked?
wixiewooh (12:21:08 AM): u havent talked to me in weeks then ur like hi? i don't think so
jerkoff (12:21:54 AM): OK...That is because you were real real mad at me. I wanted to let things calm down.
wixiewooh (12:22:32 AM): what did ur new girlfriend dump u or something?
wixiewooh (12:22:45 AM): why are you bothering to talk to me i thought u were done w me?
jerkoff (12:23:15 AM): I am done w/you :)
wixiewooh (12:23:21 AM): thats rude
wixiewooh (12:24:35 AM): go IM ur grlfrend
jerkoff (12:24:39 AM): C'mon Hookeeeee..
wixiewooh (12:25:09 AM): don't fucking call me that
jerkoff (12:25:13 AM): why?
wixiewooh (12:26:22 AM): if ur gunna talk to me then i want u to stop playing around
jerkoff (12:26:57 AM): I just want to know how you're doing.
wixiewooh (12:27:12 AM): yeah right there is some reason behind it
wixiewooh (12:27:18 AM): either that or u dont have anything better to do?
jerkoff (12:27:35 AM): I miss you...
wixiewooh (12:28:09 AM): ok, thats ncie well what about last month when i was crying so hard i got sick and couldnt eat anythng for days on end where were u than lucas?????
wixiewooh (12:30:40 AM): u aren't going to answer?
BUZZ!!!
jerkoff (12:31:11 AM): I'm not gonna sit here and let you yell at me...I'm done with that.
wixiewooh (12:31:55 AM): well thats nice that ur done with it, ok look u dumped my ass, cheated on me, lied to me, ignored me and now u want me to caht w/u? are u out of ur fucking head???
wixiewooh (12:32:19 AM): hello??
jerkoff (12:32:29 AM): I'm here...just thinking
jerkoff (12:32:32 AM): Have you been eating? Worried about that, you know...
wixiewooh (12:32:38 AM): its none of ur buisness
wixiewooh (12:32:56 AM): why did u and sarah break up?
wixiewooh (12:33:03 AM): did u dump her too
jerkoff (12:33:10 AM): We didn't break up..
wixiewooh (12:33:15 AM): ok so mandys a liar?
wixiewooh (12:34:11 AM): hello????
jerkoff (12:34:32 AM): I'm here...Mandy obviously doesn't know what she's talking about. I didn't break up with anyone because I wasn't DATING anyone.
wixiewooh (12:35:05 AM): yes u were!
jerkoff (12:35:12 AM): I haven't dated anyone since you.
wixiewooh (12:36:07 AM): oh RIGHT so fiona n mandy n xanthia are all lying
jerkoff (12:36:15 AM): I never dated Sarah.
wixiewooh (12:36:19 AM): We fucked a few times..that's about it.
wixiewooh (12:36:22 AM): oh my god. u r a fucked up pig
wixiewooh (12:36:24 AM): i am gonna be sick
wixiewooh (12:37:05 AM): HELLO
wixiewooh (12:37:07 AM): dont talk to me anymore
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[21 Jun 2005|10:52am] |
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[20 Jun 2005|07:12am] |
It's so scary without my Dad here. My mom and I are freaking out about every little noise. It kept me up all night. I'll be going to bed in a few. I talked to ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) discipline on the phone all night. he and i got a little intimite on the phone. we ended up having phone sex and i can't believe that I was doing it. It was so funny. I only have done it once before with my ex-boyfriend.
I can't wait til the mail comes. That way I can see if my cousin wrote me. She's sending me pictures of her tummy tuck. She had a roll around her stomach removed I guess. We always used to joke about it when we were little but we never talked about it once we found out it wasn't nice. She's gonna be coming to visit in July. I am super excited.
This elitist fuck next door parked his BMW right behind my car last night. I had the munchies and wanted to go to 7/11 with Mandy but he had his stupid beamer parked there and it was not cool. I went next door and he answered the door in his suit. I'm like jesus, why is he in his suit at home? He was really snippety to me and grabbed his keys like he was real real pissed off. He is so odd looking. If I could describe him, it would be that he looks like this:
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